Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
