so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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