just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
