I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
