So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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