Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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