Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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