i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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