So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
