You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you would pick up someone in the library
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
