eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
