I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Vodka?
Forever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize