I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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