I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
