VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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