guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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