Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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