we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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