You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize