i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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