I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
