Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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