he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize