last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
