do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
