i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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