summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
