The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
