Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize