So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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