he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
