i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
