Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
