We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
