Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I believe in your delicious
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
