First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
