Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I skipped work to stalk him.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
