You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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