I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
