Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
