You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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