So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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