Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
