It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
