I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
