I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
