You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
