Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
