She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have aggressive nipples.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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