I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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