we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
