if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Say something about gay babies.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
