there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
