woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
