im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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