i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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