I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
