Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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