It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
