I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
