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U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
