i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
