I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The air taste purple.
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