once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How naked do you want me to be?
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