if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
