Got a toothbrush?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
