i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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