I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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