we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
