These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she smelled like a LAN party
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
