no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
