I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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