he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
