my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
