Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just threw up on my dentist
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
