My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
