peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
