Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
