my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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