Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
