I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
