; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
