I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
