woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
