Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
