drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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