He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
