Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
