You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
