I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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