Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I love you. Go after that dick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
