Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
