why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
