Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You left your phone here
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