i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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