I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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