I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
